What else is there to do...
When you expected to be a mom, and instead you're a miscarriage survivor struggling with infertility? 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

We Have Follies!

So I went in today for my CD14 ultrasound to monitor the growth of my follicles.  I have a 23 mm follie on my right ovary, and a 14 mm follie on my left ovary (but my RE doesn't think that little guy will really be in the running ;) ).  My lining looked good, 3 layers and 9.8 mm thick.  They gave me my Nov.arel trigger shot this afternoon and told us to get the job done (wink, wink) tomorrow night and/or Friday morning.  So we are totally on for this cycle!

Of course, this meant that I had to spend the entire evening searching Google and FertilityFriend for info on the appropriate size of mature follies, the appropriate endometrial thickness, and the right way to time intercourse after a trigger shot.  To be honest, I feel less obsessive this cycle, if that gives you any indication of the level of complete and utter insanity at which I am normally functioning.

Come on sperm!  Come on egg!  Get it right this time!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Results Are In!

My thyroid is back to normal!!!!  My TSH level came back at 1.22, which is right where my doctor wants it.  So the Synthroid is working!  One hurdle down, now tomorrow's look at my follies is staring me in the face.  Hoping that we see something positive!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Ugh, I am being a bad blogger in October!  Maybe because in September I had tons of doctor's appointments and tests to talk about.  Well, next week will be a little busier because I have my 6 week check of my thyroid levels since starting my meds.  And I also have my ultrasound to monitor my follicle growth.  And it's Halloween!  

So stay tuned, I have an exciting week ahead :D

Friday, October 15, 2010

Still on the Merry Go Round

So today is CD2.  My dreaded period showed up yesterday.  On to Clo.mid Cycle 2, I guess.  I will be taking the same dose as I did last month because my 7 dpo progesterone levels looked good (30).  I have an ultrasound to check follicle growth scheduled for CD14.

I am definitely hoping that this is the month.  I never really expected the pressure that comes with starting fertility treatments.  I always thought it would just be great to have a plan in place.  That it would be so relaxing to know that if this strategy doesn't work, in a few months we will move on to something else, and then to something else, and eventually to IUI and IVF.  But now that I'm actually taking the first steps down this path, it just feels like when something doesn't work, I'm freaking out because I'm one step closer to Clo.mid not working at all, and one step closer to IUI, and one step closer to IVF.  It's totally crazy.

But all I've been thinking lately is, "Only 2 Clo.mid cycles left. Only 2 Clo.mid cycles left.  If Clo.mid doesn't work we won't be pregnant in 2010.  Only 2 Clo.mid cycles left!!!!"  And then my brain explodes and smokes puffs out of my ears.  I really was not expecting all this added pressure, but I guess that's kind of silly of me.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Why haven't they invented this?

Nothing to interesting to report on the TTC front... I'm 10 days post ovulation, so I've started my crazy pee on a stick fest already.  Nothing but BFNs so far, but I'm still early so it isn't getting me down yet.

Last night I did have a pretty awesome dream, though.  In my dream I peed on a holographic home pregnancy test.  And when you got a BFP, there was a huge smiley face that showed up, followed by a bunch of smiley sperm swimming to an egg, and then a lot of smiley faces clapping their hands.  Wouldn't it be awesome if there really was such a thing???

At least my dreams don't give away my obsession with getting pregnant, right? ;)

Friday, October 1, 2010

We're On!

So I actually did ovulate!!!!!!  I am 3 dpo today, only 5 more days until I start my crazy peeing on pregnancy tests :)  Whatever gets me through the evil TWW, I guess ;)

Today on Facebook, I saw that an acquaintance who recently had a baby had posted:

If God has blessed you with a baby and you are forever thankful, like this!

I usually don't get too upset about pregnancy/baby-related Facebook posts, but this one was just like a kick in the guts.  It's actually awesome that she is so thankful to be able to be a mom, and it's such a great sentiment, but it's really like a slap in the face to think that I should have been able to click like to that, but instead my baby was taken away.  I have not been blessed with a baby, and I don't know if I ever will be.  And that really hurts.

The only thing that would be true about where I am right now, would be:

If God has ripped your baby from your uterus and you are forever bitter, like this!

So much hurt, so much sadness, and so much bitterness.  This whole loss and infertility thing really sucks.  I would give anything to have my baby.  I guess I can only try to hope that someday I will be the new mom posting happy things like that on Facebook.