What else is there to do...
When you expected to be a mom, and instead you're a miscarriage survivor struggling with infertility? 

Friday, October 1, 2010

We're On!

So I actually did ovulate!!!!!!  I am 3 dpo today, only 5 more days until I start my crazy peeing on pregnancy tests :)  Whatever gets me through the evil TWW, I guess ;)

Today on Facebook, I saw that an acquaintance who recently had a baby had posted:

If God has blessed you with a baby and you are forever thankful, like this!

I usually don't get too upset about pregnancy/baby-related Facebook posts, but this one was just like a kick in the guts.  It's actually awesome that she is so thankful to be able to be a mom, and it's such a great sentiment, but it's really like a slap in the face to think that I should have been able to click like to that, but instead my baby was taken away.  I have not been blessed with a baby, and I don't know if I ever will be.  And that really hurts.

The only thing that would be true about where I am right now, would be:

If God has ripped your baby from your uterus and you are forever bitter, like this!

So much hurt, so much sadness, and so much bitterness.  This whole loss and infertility thing really sucks.  I would give anything to have my baby.  I guess I can only try to hope that someday I will be the new mom posting happy things like that on Facebook.


Hope said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so bitter right now. The aftermath of a pregnancy loss can be so hard, and it goes on for so much longer than you want it to.

I have my fingers crossed that you get a sticky baby the next time you get pregnant. I hope this is your cycle. (((hugs)))

A&R Hershkowitz said...

I'm so glad that you O'd and in great time too!

I totally understand the FB thing too. I've got a bunch of women who are due in the next month, and i'm not quite sure which will be worse. All the pg posts were pretty bad, but I'm thinking that when they do have their babies that all the new baby posts will make me feel worse.


I have a really good feeling about this cycle for you! Your body seems to be responding well to the new treatments and everything seems to be going smoothly.

I wanna see you BFP!

Jay said...

I'm sorry that there is so much bitterness there. As somebody who has lost what was probably a perfectly healthy baby at 3 months, I have to say, try to let go. I'm not saying to stop grieving for your lost baby (I get really angry when somebody tells me to 'move on') but let go of the anger that it happened.

I want to see you get your happy ending so much- hope this is your month!