Hyperventilating

I have spent the last 2 days building a nice safe bubble around myself, deciding that I will slowly tiptoe through fertility treatments, dragging my feet as much as possible, to avoid the potential sting of total and complete failure.  In my imaginary fantasy, I do not start injectibles until next fall, so as to keep 2011 IVF free.  That way, in 2 weeks, I am not in danger of entering 'The Year I Find Out I Most Likely Will Never Have Biological Children.'  Melodramatic, I know, but this is how I protect myself.

And then I talked to the RE's office today to schedule my consult to decide 'What's Next' after this final Clomid cycle.  And the nurse said she will send me some info on INJECTIBLES because that's what comes after Clomid!!!!!  So I stammer something about Femara, grasping at straws, and she decides that I should do Femara THIS cycle instead of Clomid and says that I can try 1 or 2 Femara cycles before injectibles.  No no no no no.  Pure and utter terror.  I'm hoping if I make it through today, I will feel calmer about it.  Crap.