And even moreso because my body was a true B****, tricking me into thinking I was pregnant. I am normally not a symptom watcher in the TWW. Really, I'm not. I figured out pretty early on in my cycle tracking that most of my symptoms mean absolutely nothing. Sore boobs, nothing. Moody, nothing. Peeing a lot, nothing. Cramping, nothing. Spotting, nothing. But in the almost 2 years that I've been tracking my cycle, the only time I had sharp ovary pains when standing up was my pregnancy cycle. Until now. Just an extra pinch of cruelty for Christmas. Hooray.
So we start our final cycle of Clo.mid with HCG trigger and timed intercourse. If that fails (as history would predict), we will have a consult with the RE to figure out what the next step is. Clo.mid with IUI? Femara with timed intercourse? Femara with IUI? Who knows what our wonderful prize will be.
I so don't want to be starting a new year with this crap. And I have come to the conclusion that I am terrified of getting aggressive with the fertility treatments. Because of the expense? No. Because of the shots? No. Because of the invasion of privacy? No. Because IT MIGHT NOT WORK. And if we use up our infertility coverage and don't end up with a baby, well that might be our final answer. But if I stretch 6 cycles of treatment out over 2 years.... then I can avoid reality and pretend that it might still happen. Ahhh, denial.