What else is there to do...
When you expected to be a mom, and instead you're a miscarriage survivor struggling with infertility? 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I am being a really bad blogger.  I'm just feeling pretty numb about this cycle.  I'm sure that subconsciously I am trying to distance myself from TTC so I don't feel the crash as hard if I get another BFN.  Funny how there's really no way to protect yourself from the horrible emotional flood that you get when you realize that this cycle is a BFN, though.  But I'm letting myself cope however I have to.  This routine is just getting too old to invest so much energy into it.

I remember along my TTC journey I would happen upon an infertility blog where they were doing fertility treatments and had stopped charting their temperatures or using OPKs or peeing on HPTs like there was no tomorrow.  And I always thought "How can they do that?  I can't imagine letting go of those things, no matter how long I'm TTC."  But here I am, deciding that I don't care about OPKs anymore, and thinking about charting only right around ovulation time, and cutting out my internet cheapie HPT's.  

After so many negative cycles it just seems pointless.  Who cares?  It doesn't matter if we time our BD'ing right... how many cycles have we timed things perfectly and ended up with a BFN?  It doesn't do anyone any good for me to pee on all those HPT's and drive myself crazy over shadow lines when deep down I just know that it's a BFN.  So, I'm feeling BLAH, and I don't know how else to describe it.

I'm CD17, I ovulated sometime yesterday or today, and I just don't care.  Nothing will come of it anyway.

1 comment:

Hope said...

Sorry you're feeling so blah right now. I hope that this cycle doesn't bring too many emotional swings for you. I know what you mean about wanting to protect yourself from bad news by not getting your hopes up. (((Hugs)))