What else is there to do...
When you expected to be a mom, and instead you're a miscarriage survivor struggling with infertility? 

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Scaredy Cat

My HSG is scheduled for this Friday afternoon.  I have to admit that I am not scared one bit about the procedure itself or the possibility of pain (which of course means that I will end up screaming for hours at the terrible pain).  But I am terrified of the results.

For some reason, I have convinced myself that something major is wrong with my tubes and/or uterus.  It's probably just me thinking that every other time I had testing done, I found out something was wrong, so why would this time be any different.  And part of it is probably my whacked out IF logic, which has me thinking that I can probably still have a baby with a clotting disorder and hypothyroidism, but throw a mis-shapen uterus or a blocked tube into the mix, and that's just one reproductive deformity too many.

Whatever the reason, I just keep imagining my RE telling me, "Well, it doesn't look good.  Your uterus is shaped like the letters B, F, and N, and that's just not a good environment for growing a baby."  Or, "I'm sorry to tell you that you're ovaries look great, but you actually don't even have fallopian tubes.  Better go adopt."

Ahhhh.  Deep breaths.  Those scenarios are both highly unlikely.  Right?


Jen said...

Your uterus is shaped like the letters B, F & N - too funny! I know your fear is real but its good you still have some humor. Good luck to you as you continue the testing phase of this journey.

Amy said...

I have to smile at the B F N mention as well. Though, yes highly unlikely ;)
As for the no fallopian tubes, you did conceive once, so they are at least there.
I know you'll update us as it happens, but til then *hugs*

Hope said...

The B F & N joke made me laugh, too.

But really, I hear where you are coming from about the fear. I am actually so afraid of finding out that something is terribly broken inside me that I have yet to screw up my courage to get any tests done.

I really admire you for admitting your fears and going ahead with the testing anyway. And I'll be crossing my fingers that you get reassuring results. Like Amy said--if you conceived once, you must have tubes . . .


(ICLW #123)

2ctt said...

I am sure you will be just fine. I know it's tough to be hopeful cos you think your hopes might be crushed but some positive times are better than none at imho.

Really hope all is well with you.


Sarah S said...

hang in there, I hate the way that infertility messes with our minds and makes us think crazy things.

I hope everything goes well with HSG!!

ICLW #100

b35 said...

isn't that always the way -- you can deal with the pain of the procedure, but it's the results that hold the most fear. i'm sure everything will be fine...no b, f, or n shaped uterus for you! :)

i have graves' disease (thyroid issues) and even though my levels are stable and i'm feeling good, whenever i sit in my endocrinologist's waiting room, i start sweating and feeling sick...it's just the thought of hearing something bad.

fingers crossed all goes well and everything is happy and just waiting to be a nice, snuggly home for a bubs. :)


cadnawes said...

Lol at the BFN uterus! But I do hope things go well for you! xxx

Suzy said...

Well I'm fairly sure your uterus isnt shaped like a B, F or N...but I get that you feel like you are going to get bad news. I get that way before any medical test too (I was convinced my CT last week was going to show ternimal brain cancer. So the truth is likely FAR less dramatic than you are imagining :)
I hope its all clear for you.

Crossed Fingers said...

I laughed at the "BFN" part - yes, both scenarios are highly unlikely. I had the HSG done and my doctor told me that sometimes just having that done is enough to clear any blockage there may be. Keeping my fingers crossed all news is good!

ICLW #115

Cortney said...

You've got to love that crazy IF logic! I totally understand because I do the same thing every time I go into the RE office. I'm absolutely convinced they're going to laugh at me for even thinking I could get pregnant!

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping for good results!

Happy ICLW!
~ #54

MK said...

Good luck with the HSG! Just those letters alone sort of strike terror into my soul.

I'm hypothyroid with luteal phase problems too. I LOVE it so much.

I may have to follow your blog. :)

Kakunaa said...

LOL, yes, those 2 scenarios are unlikely. I was the same going into my HSG after other bad news, and unfortunately it was correct, but usually is not. So breathe and try to stay positive. I know it is hard, but hang in there. Happy ICLW, #90

Stephanie said...

Ha, those scenarios were hilarious - but only b/c you know they can't happen. I recently had an HSG also and was pleasantly surprised it wasn't too uncomfortable - I hope yours goes well too and you get the all clear!

Happy ICLW!

MelissaP05 said...

Praying your HSG went well and they don't find anything wrong with your uterus or tubes! It will all be okay! Good Luck and thanks for your sweet comment. ~ICLW

Annie said...

I hope you're getting some good news today. Your bad news streak has to end sometime, right? That's what I keep telling myself, too, but I'm still waiting!! What clotting disorder do you have? That's supposedly one of my issues, too.

April said...

I hope the news was good. For what it's worth, I kicked my doctor in the head at my HSG.