What else is there to do...
When you expected to be a mom, and instead you're a miscarriage survivor struggling with infertility? 

Monday, September 20, 2010

Settling Down

I really feel like things are finally settling down for me, and it's such a great feeling.  

Mr. Unexpected and I were surprised to be on our own for the weekend (due to an unfortunate development that led to a sudden change of plans for my sister, but I am looking on the bright side here).  That meant that instead of moping around the house on Cricket's Angelversary, we were able to get out of the house, into the wilderness, and do some camping and hiking with the furbabies.

Camping, hiking, and just being outside are really what I love.  I am one of those people who just feels at home and at peace as soon as I enter the woods.  Unfortunately this last couple of years has been jam packed with things that prevented us from getting our fix of the great outdoors.  We had a great time, and I have decided that should we still be on this journey to conception next year, we will take a month off of medical assistance in the spring and a month in the fall, just to make sure that we have time to get outside.

Mr. Unexpected actually gave me a much needed metaphorical hand slap this weekend, too.  He said that he loves being my husband, and I said I didn't know why because it seems like only bad things have happened to us since we got married.  He said, "You got pregnant, and that was the best thing that ever happened to us.  Even if we lost the baby, it was still a good thing."

And he is so right.  It's so easy to forget the good parts of this journey.  But the truth is, I cried when I was waiting for my D&C because I didn't want them to take my baby from me, because I didn't want to lose that feeling of connection.  Because I loved being connected to our Cricket.

Cricket, we miss you so much.  We will love you forever.  And even if we never got to meet you, we are so lucky to have had you in our lives and in our hearts.  The months I had with you were the happiest of my life, and I wouldn't give up those memories for anything.

1 comment:

b35 said...

oh :( i understand exactly how you feel...i cannot put into words the feelings of utter devastation and heartbreak over losing something that was so wanted, so precious...

i love how your husband said to you that you got pregnant and that it was the best thing that ever happened to you both. that's so sweet. :)